when i go
by turtleducklings
Summary: Or, five lives Haruhi Fujioka could have lived and the one that she actually did.


**a/n:** i should be working on my nanowrimo right now. /sighs deeply

so i watched the ouran anime over the summer and became completely addicted to these characters and this story. i finished the manga this week, extras and everything, and was able to type out the obligatory haruhi-paired-with-everyone-in-the-host-club fic through my tears.

this is fluuuuffy. reviews are appreciated. title is from slow club.

**disclaimer:** i don't own ouran high school host club.

* * *

when i go  
_or, five lives haruhi fujioka could have lived, and the one that she actually did._

* * *

**i.** kyoya ootori

* * *

If there is one thing that Haruhi is sure of more than anything else in the world, it's that her husband always has a motive. He will do nothing unless it means that he'll get something out of it. It's something that she's always known, since the very first moment she met him.

"Kyoya?"

He doesn't even look up from his laptop. "Yes, Haruhi?"

"What is this?"

He stops typing and spares one glance at her. "It appears to be an ad for a sale at the supermarket this weekend."

She sighs heavily. "Yes, I know _that_—"

"Then why did you ask?" He resumes typing, light from the computer screen glinting off his glasses.

"I just meant—did you leave this here for me?" She gestures vaguely to the nightstand on her side of the bed.

His eyes never leave the laptop. "Yes, I did. Why?"

She shakes her head, fingers brushing over the gray-black-white of the flyer. "I just wanted to know why, that's all. I don't even do the shopping anymore, not since we've been married, anyway." She's proud of the way she keeps the slight resentment out of her tone. Being married to Kyoya isn't bad, not at all, she just wishes that she wasn't made to rely on servants so much.

The clacking of computer keys fills in the gaps that silence leaves again. "I just thought it might make you happy," he says off-handedly, eyebrows furrowing at something on his screen. "You've been looking a bit sad lately."

Her eyes widen and then she smiles softly, teasingly. "Looking out for your wife, are you, how _sweet_—"

"Please, I'm not that sentimental," he interrupts, right on cue. "I'm only thinking of appearances. It wouldn't be good if you're looking unhappy with our relationship. It would only start rumors."

Haruhi nods, sees the blush Kyoya tries to hide behind his computer, smiles knowingly, and does not say a word.

* * *

**ii.** takashi morinozuka

* * *

Haruhi tips the collar of her coat up and pulls her scarf over her nose, trying to guard against the sharp winter chill as she jogs down the front steps of the courthouse.

As she reaches the sidewalk at the bottom she thinks for a moment of hailing a taxi, but then remembers the bills she has due in a few days and sighs, resigning herself to a cold walk home. She grips her briefcase tighter with one hand and fumbles in the pocket of her coat for her cellphone with the other, wanting to send a text message to her roommate to let her know that she'll be late. She's so busy doing so that she doesn't pay attention to where she's walking and runs right into a very Large Something. Her briefcase falls from her hands, opening and sending papers flying everywhere.

She curses and scrambles to collect them before they blow away before she wonders what she ran into and looks up to see—

"Ah," Mori says, getting on his knees to help her collect her briefcase contents. "I was wondering when you'd get out."

She stares dumbfounded for a moment until he gently pries the briefcase from her hands and neatly stacks the documents back inside before snapping it shut and standing, offering her his hand. She takes it and stands. "You were waiting for me?" she finally asks after brushing herself off. She holds her hand out, silently asking for the briefcase, and he shakes his head at her, placing his free hand in her outstretched one instead.

"I'll carry it. And yes." He considers her for a moment. "Are you cold? Your hand is freezing." For emphasis, he squeezes her fingers. "Do you want my jacket?"

She shakes her head indignantly. "I'm fine, really. Why were you waiting for me?"

He tugs on her hand lightly as he starts walking, in the opposite direction of her apartment, she notices. "I wanted to give you a ride. I knew that you'd try to walk home to save money today." They reach a black limousine parked around the corner from the courthouse and he releases her hand to open the door for her. She stares at him. He puts his hand on her back and nudges her inside, gently, before climbing in after her.

The car starts moving and she sighs deeply, fingers touching the engagement ring on her finger. "I'll have to get used to you doing things like this once we're married, won't I?" she groans.

"Ah," he affirms.

She sighs again and leans over to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, Takashi," she says, despite herself.

His smile is small as he reaches across the seat and twines his fingers through hers, wordlessly.

* * *

**iii.** kaoru hitachiin

* * *

_Ring._ "Hello?"

"Haruhi! It's Kaoru."

"Oh, hello. I wasn't expecting you to call; isn't it late where you are?"

Laugh. "Yes, it's late. But did you really think I wasn't going to call you anyway? What kind of a husband do you think I am?"

Eye roll. "Whatever. How's Spain?"

"It's nice, as always. It'd be nicer if you were here, though."

"Sorry. I just really need to focus on this case, is all."

Another laugh. "It's fine. I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty. How is that case going, by the way?"

Groan. "They're trying to corner me, and they're doing a pretty good job of it. I might not win this one."

"Please. I've seen you when you're determined: you'll win. I know you will."

Reluctant smile. Skipping heartbeats. "Thanks, Kaoru." A beat. Static over the phone line. "How's Hikaru? And his family?"

"They're doing great! It's hard to get any work done while I'm staying with them, though. Mother won't be pleased if I don't get these designs to her on time. I might have to leave earlier than I planned, so I can come home and actually get some work done." Deep sigh.

"No, don't do that. Spend time with your brother while you can. I'll help you with whatever I can when you get home; worry about work later."

Laughter again. "What would I do without you, my wife?"

"I don't know. We never will; you're stuck with me. I signed a contract."

"Good thing, too, otherwise I'd be afraid that you'd leave me for the first man who offered you a lifetime supply of oohtoro."

"Ha ha. You're hilarious."

"I know."

A slow smile. Growing blush. "Well, I'll let you get some rest. I miss you. Sleep well."

Chuckle. "I will. I miss you too. Love you."

"Love you too. See you soon. But not too soon, okay?"

"Okay. Goodbye, Haruhi."

"Bye, Kaoru." _Click._

* * *

**iv.** mitsukuni haninozuka

* * *

"Haruhi, what do you think about us having children?"

She almost spits out her tea all over the fancy tablecloth. "_What_? Hani-senpai, we've barely been married for a month," she says, wiping her mouth and widening her eyes.

He smiles sweetly. "I know, but aren't babies so cute? It would be fun to have them around!" His expression grows serious for a moment. "And I keep asking you to please call me 'Mitsukuni' now that we're married."

She huffs and sets down her tea cup. "It just sounds a little weird still, is all..." she mumbles, expression mutinous. "And wouldn't it be better to wait to have babies?" she says, a little louder. "Until we both, you know...grow up a little more?"

"You don't think we're grown up now?" His eyes are wide as saucers and very earnest, blinking across the table at her.

She sighs. "We technically are, I guess...but I don't really feel ready to have kids or be a mom or any of that, really..." She awkwardly twists her shirt in her hands and sinks further into her chair.

A look of understanding crosses Mitsukuni's face and he gets up from his chair to sit in the one directly next to her. He sets one hand on her forearm and squeezes, smiling gently. "It's okay, Haruhi. We don't have to have kids if you're not ready yet." A grin stretches wide across his face. "Just know that I'm ready whenever you are!"

She nods and smiles gratefully. "Thanks, Hani-senp—Mitsukuni."

He laces his fingers through hers and leans across the gap between their chairs to kiss her cheek. "You're going to be a great mom, someday," he says. "And I'll be a great dad. I'll teach all our children the Haninozuka martial arts and I'll lend Usa-chan to each one when they're still babies. And you'll teach them to cook—especially bake! I'd love to eat a cake made by our own children."

She snorts at this, tries to ignore the blush spreading hot across her cheeks, and squeezes his hand. "Of course."

He giggles and strokes his thumb over the back of her hand. "Speaking of," he says, "I'd like some cake now. Would you like to share some with me?"

She nods, not caring that she doesn't like cake all that much and definitely caring that her husband is a good man. "Sure. I would."

* * *

**v.** hikaru hitachiin

* * *

"Hikaru."

He frowns at his computer screen and presses down on the backspace key. "Yeah?" He's distracted. Haruhi swallows thickly from her place in the doorway and grips the door frame to steady herself.

"I'm pregnant."

"Hm. That's nice." He starts typing again, still frowning. Then his fingers still and he looks up at Haruhi, realization spreading slowly over his face. "Wait...what?"

She weakly holds up the test in her hand. "I'm pregnant," she repeats.

A beat. He suddenly slams his laptop shut and crosses the room to her in two long strides, grabbing the test from her hand. "_What_?"_  
_

She feels a sharp stab of annoyance. "How many times are you going to make me say it, Hikaru?"

The look on his face makes all her irritation dissipate. His grin is so big it seems to take up his entire face. "Pregnant," he says, testing the word. He looks down at her, sets the test on the dresser next to the doorway. "We're going to have a baby!" He picks her up and squeezes her tight, spinning her around and crowing in exultation. "We're going to be parents!"

"Gah! Quit it! You're going to make me sick! And keep it down!" She smacks his shoulder, albeit somewhat halfheartedly, because there's a part of her that can't bear to ask him to stop, he's so happy.

He laughs and sets her back on the floor, leaning down to kiss her. "Wow," he breathes, when he pulls back, reaching out one hand to splay over her abdomen.

"I don't really get why you're so surprised," she says. "It's not like it's exactly unexpected, if you..." she coughs awkwardly. "If you know what I mean," she mumbles.

A wicked grin. "I _definitely _know what you mean..." His hand slips up the back of her shirt, fingers cold against her skin.

She whacks him again and scowls, hoping that if she acts annoyed enough he won't tease her for blushing. "Stop that!"

The smirk stays, but he withdraws his hand. He leans down again and presses a kiss to the side of her neck. "I'm very happy," he says, smiling into her shoulder.

She lets out a breathy laugh and finds his hand with one of hers, the other gliding over her stomach. "Yeah," she smiles. "Me, too."

* * *

**i.** tamaki suoh

* * *

Haruhi wakes to the sound of her daughter crying.

There's a rustling of sheets beside her and the warm weight of Tamaki's arm on her side disappears as he sits up, rubbing his eyes. "What's'it? Baby?"

Haruhi gives an affirmative groan and tries to block out the sound of Reinette crying for a moment as she casts her glance at the bedside clock. _Maybe it's late enough that I can just get up now and stay up til I have to leave for work, rather than trying to go back to sleep later..._

No such luck. The clock reads 2:26 AM. Another groan.

"Maybe if we wait long enough, she'll cry herself back to sleep," she says hopefully, turning her head and looking up at Tamaki. His forehead crinkles at this suggestion. She distantly supposes that such an idea might make her seem like a bad mother. At present, she is so tired that she doesn't really care. But...

She sighs and pushes the sheets aside and sits up, swinging her feet down to touch on the cold hardwood floor. A hand on her shoulder stops her before she can stand up. "Hey, it's okay. I'll get her this time. Go back to sleep."

Haruhi looks over her shoulder at her husband to find him looking back at her, his eyes open and earnest. The moonlight glints off his fair hair, nearly blinding her in the pitch of their room, and she raises an eyebrow. "But you got her last time. It's my turn."

He shakes his head and climbs out of bed, grabbing his robe and slipping it on. "Really, it's fine. I don't mind. You do so much already, I feel bad—"

"Tamaki," she says, leaning over the edge of the bed and grabbing his hand from where she sits, "We're equals in this relationship, remember? It's only fair."

A beat. His eyes soften and he squeezes her hand. "At least let me come with you," he says, face pleading.

She resists the urge to roll her eyes, nods, and pretends that the blatant joy that lights up Tamaki's face doesn't make her heart pound harder than it should.

The walk to Reinette's room is short, only a few yards down the hall. When they enter the room Haruhi immediately goes to the cradle by the window and lifts her daughter from it, making what she hopes are soothing noises as she pulls her close. She's truthfully never felt very comfortable as a parent, she thinks as she rocks the baby from side to side, humming softly. Haruhi Fujioka-Suoh is capable of a great many things; she can balance a checkbook and find amazing deals at the supermarket, she can cook and clean and keep her house running: but being a mother is something different entirely.

Slowly, Reinette's cries turn to whimpers, which turn to soft hiccups, which then fade altogether as her tiny fists tighten around the front of Haruhi's nightshirt and her eyelids fall closed. Haruhi sighs in relief and stills, smiling softly at the baby girl in her arms and mentally congratulating herself.

Tamaki is warm and solid at her side. "Motherhood suits you," he says quietly.

She looks up at him and raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

He nods and strokes his hand over Reinette's head, his free arm wrapping slowly around Haruhi's shoulders. "I love you," he says suddenly, his lips pressing against her temple.

Haruhi tightens her arms around their daughter and leans into him, closing her eyes. "I love you, too," she tells him, and she means it.


End file.
